Time to get out of my head and back onto my feet!

I haven’t done a blog post in such a long time, and I haven’t been very active on my socials, but that was intentional. I had to deal, and I had to process a lot. Not only that, but I had to take time out for myself or else I would have lost my mind.

2022… A year I will never forget, but also one I don’t want to remember. I think about it and my soul is cut wide open, The pain runs deep.

In August 2021 my husband, Robert was part of Section 197 this regulates the transfer of a business as a going concern. If section 197 applies to a specific transaction, all the contracts of employment in existence at the time of the transfer of business are transferred together with the business to the new employer. Meaning their department was sold to another company, but nothing stayed the same. Employment conditions including salaries were changed and chopped left right and centre without consultation, now imagine having your salary cut by 70%? Yeah, let that sit with you for a bit. Fast-forward 2022, he loses his job. Now any household that losses its primary source of Income takes a massive hit, well that is what I would think if someone told me that.

For months, we went by fine, Robert was applying daily for jobs. Interviews were coming, but then companies simply go silent. It’s as if corporate had lost its courtesy to get back to possible candidates. Be that as it may, we simply kept going, kept our heads above water, until August 2022 hit.

The storm hit, and it hit us in all directions. We were drowning, reaching out for help and hoping that we would encounter kindness, compassion, and empathy. The people we thought it would come from rather found joy in our pain, had tea parties/wine sessions discussing our struggle as if it was a joke, as if it was nothing. As if we were nothing. The people I refer to, are family and people we considered friends. Family and friends would have candid talks about us. I ask, as a human being, how does one find pleasure in someone else’s pain? My family and I had no one we knew, the people that stepped in to help, that showed us kindness were either strangers or people we barely knew. At some point we were losing our home, we had no lights, no water and battling to simply put together a meal. Rob and I had our kids looking to us, which is probably the hardest part for me, my kids are my everything, they don’t deserve to suffer or lack anything. But people find joy in that, I won’t forget a statement made by a family member to my husband when he asked for help, “Don’t ever find yourself in this position”. That cut deep because we never asked to be in that position, we wouldn’t wish that on any person.

During these heavy and hard times both our sons, Ethan and Micaiah gave their hearts to Jesus, our 1 son even got baptized. Every night we prayed together, we praised and worshiped together, we fasted together and my husband and children started speaking in tongues. We cried to God every night to come and save us. Rob and I had a 10-day fast in July, no food (only water, rooibos and apple juice), no social media and no TV, still God was quiet.

December came and not only did we lose our home, but on the 15th of December our house was broken into, only a few things were stolen. We opened a case at the police station, and we started packing up and planning to move all our belongings the 17th and the 18th December. Early hours of the 18th December (which happens to be our wedding anniversary)- we got a message from our neighbour saying someone was in the yard, and our dogs were poisoned, but it was too late. We were not home at the time it happened. When we got there, our front gate was removed and our home was emptied out, yes 95% of what we built over the years was gone, taken, stolen. I have never cried as much as I did that day, my thinking was, when is it enough? We have been stripped of everything. I asked God, where are you? Have we not suffered enough? Why are you so quiet? To this day, I still cry because this cut me deep, something inside me broke in 2022.

My brother-in-law and my sister-in-law graciously took us in, no questions asked. A relationship that was non-existent, but that did not matter to them. They didn’t bat an eye to help us. The love they have shown our children still blows my mind and pulls my heart strings because we have lost a lot and been through hell. The loss didn’t end 18th December, we had to store the last bit of our belongings just to then have some if not most of that taken. Our bags would be torn open, boxes broken and our belongings laying on the floor week in and week out. We had to go week in and week out and pick up what was left of our lives like we were beggars, like we were dogs. I asked God, have we not lost enough? Have we not been humiliated enough? Where are you?

But. We encountered some incredibly gracious and kind people, who showed us the kindness the bible speaks of. These people showed us God in the midst of our most difficult time to all those people, thank you from the bottom of our hearts, we will forever be GRATEFUL to you all. May God bless you forever beyond your measure, thank you.

2022 was the year The Phillips family were blue ticked, made fools of, laughed at, spoken of, humiliated and simply treated as if we had leprosy. But. 2022 does not define me, does not define my husband, and does not define our children. God saw it all, he heard it all. As a family we prayed together, cried together and went through the most difficult time of our lives together. Last year simply intensified me as a person, intensifies my love and respect for my husband, intensifies my love and protection for my children. 2022, is the benchmark for us with many areas in our lives with regard to moving forward, who has access to our us and especially in relationships. Words no longer fool us.

Heavenly father, 2022 was our full circle moment. We see it now, thank you for carrying my family and I. Thank you for saving us, thank you for keeping us together as a family. Thank you that there was no suicide committed. Thank you that we did not end up in the divorce court. Thank you that my family did have to be separated. Thank you that you have already begun your good work in us.

Father, human beings have disqualified us because they look at us from the outside in where it looks like we have no God, no glory, no purpose and no victory. But we know you have already qualified us, you have already equipped us and you will empower us. Send us into rooms that are bigger than us, spaces we don’t qualify for, and allow your glory to make up the difference. We give you permission to take our sorrow and turn it into seed, and when you do, we will take the fruit and give you glory. This is what I promised to you last year and this year I intend to be an accomplice of your glory because bruised heels still crush serpents heads.

Jesus, our full circle moment, have allowed us to see things differently, help us finish what the generations before us couldn’t. Let your kingdom come in our lives and let your will be done. Amen.

Thank you, Sarah Jake’s Roberts, your sermons carried me through 2022. May your ministry continue to echo hope and purpose across the globe.

My playlist for 2022, on repeat.

Benjamin Dube – Bow down and worship (isolated version) carried me

Elevation Worship – Jireh (still carries me)

Today is the beginning of a new season in the natural world, and today in the spirit world is the beginning for me and my family. We remembered who the hell we are, the devil tried to wipe us out, stole everything from us down to our identity documents. But we are not done.

Join me at leadHERship 2023 and watch out for my second book.

Unforced Rhythm of Grace!

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