Happy anniversary to us. And just like that, we’ve hit 16 years of marriage. WOW.
What a journey it has been, we have been in the valleys for years on end, with feelings of anger, loss, frustration and pain. Even thoughts of divorce. We have only ever had each other to depend on and rely on. We brought baggage into our marriage and had to undress the baggage and find our way to the mountain top, our mountain, not the mountain top standard the world has put out for couples and marriages. 16 years later, we have found our groove, a groove which works for us. We have finally figured out what marriage is about, still we continue to grow, discover and learn daily.
This journey and adventure of marriage is one I would not want to share with anyone else but Robert. For the longest time I believed that love was an emotion, a feeling even. But whilst on my self discovery journey I came to understand that, marriage is a commitment. Once I started understanding this, it changed things around in our marriage. Feelings and emotions one can turn on and off whenever we feel like it, but a commitment is a choice that I don’t get to choose when I turn on or off. Genuine love is volitional rather than emotional. Someone who truly loves does so because of a decision to love. This is a person that has made a commitment to be loving, whether the loving feeling is present. Took me a long time to grasp and understand IT, but I finally get it. With this realization, I have allowed myself to fully access being loved and fully loving.
Lessons I’ve learnt in marriage are so many which can be read about in my book, 11 years of nappies. Can be found on www.11yearsofnappies.co.za or on Amazon.
Robert Phillips Thoughts.
What a ride. Today I’m at peace. I’ve chosen peace over “a piece’’. For the men out there, you will know what piece I’m referring too. There will always be sexier woman out there, but they are not my wife. From the moment I saw Simone, I wanted ‘’her’’. But that’s where the problem lied… I wanted her sexually and not wanted to love her. 16 years, I’ve learnt so much. I’ve gained so much, but first I needed to lose a lot. I had to lose my ego, my anger and the past demons that had me acting out of character so that I can love myself to learn to love Simone. Not only that, but I can honestly say that Simone’s love me dragged me out of hell. She knows my deepest wrongs, and is still committed to loving me. Yes, marriage is a commitment. It’s the soul of a marriage, not love in my humble opinion. If so, how can people say “I fell out of love’’?
I’m committed to tearing down wrong thoughts that will harm and hurt her. I’m committed to seeing her as the sexiest woman on the planet. Not only that, but I am committed to staying away from unsafe situations. Remember, Joseph ‘’ran” from Pharos wife. He didn’t walk. Lust is a powerful device that will destroy your ‘’peace’’. Simone is my peace. She is the most faithful person I have ever met. “Honest Lover” is a song by Kci & JoJo. I remember when I was depressed in 2003 crying to God to send me a faithful partner and because He loves me, He sent me Simone. I truly believe this. I have learnt in the 16 years that we needed to separate ourselves from all unsafe situations to live a peaceful life. That choice has come at a cost of losing family and friends, but…we gained each other. Where to from here? Well, our love is young. Our journey will have many twists and turns, but love will conquer all as long as we are committed to each other. I’m ready.
I started reading on the significance of the number, and it speaks to where Robert and I are in our marriage. Biblical Meaning of the number 16: The number sixteen is symbolic of love and loving…. What does 16 years of marriage represent? Traditionally, the 16th anniversary gift is wax (cue candles) as it represents the burning passion of your relationship. What colour represents 16 years of marriage? Emerald Green, Red, or Silver.
Marriage is not easy but as long as their are 2 people who refuse to give up on each other their is hope, so keep fighting and stay committed.
11 Years of Nappies 